I had a plan for my life since I was 12. I was going to go to college, do a study abroad, serve a mission for my church, and travel the world. But I became a teenage bride at 19.
That was not the plan.
I had to quickly graduate from college (3 years) so I could put my husband through business school. Then came New York City, temp jobs, a bit of illustrating, opera lessons, and five minutes of modeling. Then I had a baby.
That was the plan.
I had always wanted to be a mom, and even though I had had all of these dreams to do amazing things, I also dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom. I wanted to give my kids the life I had had. You know, freshly baked cookies after school, forts in the yard, practicing the piano, and being there for them.
Life was really good for a while.
Then came the divorce after nearly 25 years of marriage.
That was not the plan.
No more cookies after school. No more forts at 3 pm. No more piano practice together. I had to learn how to build a career while still being there for my five kids. It was harder than I thought it would be.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
- Raising a family is hard work.
- Building a career is hard work.
- Doing both is the hardest.
And yet, starting over in my 40s taught me something I didn’t know before: It’s never too late to rebuild, reimagine, and rediscover yourself.
It’s also why I started Elavare–to help mothers who are standing at the edge of “what now?” feel less alone as they step into what’s next.
If you’re in a season of change, here are a few things that helped me:
- Start small. Updating your LinkedIn, dusting off your resume, taking a course–these are small but important steps.
- Find your champions. Connect with a friend, a former coworker, or another mother who understands. You don’t have to do this alone.
- Give yourself permission to be new at something. You were new at motherhood once, too. It’s okay to feel uncertain as you learn.
- Remember, your skills didn’t disappear. Organizing a household, advocating for your children, managing a family budget–these are real, transferable skills.
Keep showing up. For yourself, your family, and your goals. It may look different, but you’re still there.